BARSTUD, FUGGIN TAXMAN: Yet again "the Man" has decided to stiff me. Apparently, only being in the country 4 months somehow lessens my entitlement to a tax rebate! How the hell am I gonna pay for that skidooing trip now? Huh?

Anyway this is a solitary grey cloud on what has otherwise been a pretty good week. On St. George's day, we had no less than 2 BBQ's, a trip to the beach, an ice cream from a real ice cream van and I handed over a fiver to Jade for a cheap thrill (gambling, the thrill was gambling). Everyone had a good time except Chris who wasn't there- he had to work. And Ian lost his camera. And Simon cut his foot in the Ocean. Most of us had a good time anyway.

Also, I bought a T-Shirt. It says "Pirate" on it and it has a skull and crossbones- I like it a lot. And I got my first birthday cards. It was Gavin's birthday last night. We went to a comedy club. We laughed- you know actually that fucking tax thing is still getting to me, I mean I work just as hard as any bloody Canadian, but for some reason I get screwed! This is just picking on the new guy! I mean Simon got more than he asked for! More! How is that fair? I spent hours filling in the form (because the Canadian taxman is just too busy to do it himself) only to find I get done out of $230 just because I haven't been here as long as most- it's a piss take it really is. And don't even get me started on the rest of the tax system. You know they don't include the taxes on price tags? When did that ever seem like a good idea? Who sat down and decided it would be better if they left the taxes off? And then there's the tip! Try and split a bar tab between seven people in your head, without counting the money in the middle more than once! Can't be done!

God, I'm so angry I could scream! But then I'm in a library, and we all know "the Man" doesn't like noise in the library. Well fuck it, just fuck it! AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGG
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHWWWWWWWWWWW
WWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
RR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHISTLER- 2 AWESOME: Yes. at last we all actually got our collective acts together and finally made it to Whistler. Okay to be fair half of us had already been before, and two more only just got in the country so really it was me and Paul who finally got it together. Actually Paul might have already been before too. Anyway, the important thing here is that I finally made it to Whistler and yes it was damn fun.
But before I get to that, I have to mention the Subways gig that Me, Simon (and his friend Meredith) and Chris (and his friend Erin) went to. It did in fact rock like a bastard, and yes I did stink like a dog afterwards. Me, Chris and Erin were essentially the driving force behind all the jumping-up-and-down-stuff while Simon was at the back stealing drinks off of girls. I'm trying to get a couple of the photos off him, but at the moment he's censoring them on the grounds we were just too sweaty. Later there was Yam fries and wrestling in the street.

Talking about Yam fries, Whistler was also good depite the fact that within 2 hours of getting there we found ourselves in The Worst Club On Earth. And yes I include The Works in Canterbury. To be fair we were the first people there, and it was free, and there was porn in the guys toilets (but none in the ladies, much to Hannah's annoyance. Hannah is Ian's friend from home. Read his blog if you really want more information. Also Simon's friend Duggan was there. Again, you're probably better off reading Simon's blog for details).

Ian begins to regret shelling out extra for the VIP section. (Kazoo not shown)

We later went to a better club. I say better because there were other people there and the music was less shit. It did however annoy as soon as I walked through the door after they made me check my coat, and then charged me $2.50 for the privilige, despite letting Duggan walk straight past. Also the DJ told Simon to fuck off when he asked for a request. He didn't even make it to the song title.

The second club, from the "HandbagCam" angle.

The next day was a little more action packed. First off, a quick spot of snowmobiling. To say it was fun is probably a bit of an understatement, but due to my limited vocabulary, it'll have to do.

After a brief experiment, it was decided it would be best if we got a skidoo each.

The lengths we went to in order to find an open KFC

It was all going pretty well until the guide called a halt. After I parked up I realised there was nobody behind us. The guide instructed me to wait where I was while she went to check what was wrong. Essentially I was in the middle of nowhere, unable to hear anyone or anything and was hoping both that nothing serious had happened to anyone, and that I wasn't about to have my first taste of Canadian wildlife. As it turned out Hannah had drove her skidoo into a ditch. She was unhurt, but as you can see from the photo below, the skidoo was pretty much jammed, and so she had to ride home on Ian's.

Later we went tubing, a less adrenaline fuelled experience, but good nonetheless. Basically it involved sliding down a snow covered slope on a rubber ring for an hour and was in fact suprisingly tiring. Now if only my tax rebate would come through, I'd be able to pay for the whole thing.

The gang in Whistler

PROMISES, PROMISES: Honestly, I had every intention of updating last week but a plague of locusts was threatening to eat all the food in my cupboard, so I had to stay inside until they got bored and went away. So to make up for it, I'm going to update twice in one day. First off- The Skeletor Joke. A short time ago we were all sitting in the Railway Club when Ian mentioned that the line "Skeletor walks into a bar" was just too good not to have a punchline attached to it. So the next day, while waiting for a bus I came up with this. It's not big, it's not clever but at the end of the day, it's the best any of us have got so far...

"Where the hell's my Latte?"

Skeletor walks into a bar to meet up with the rest of the gang: He-Man, Man-at-Arms, Battlecat, Evil Lyn and everyone. He sits down, has a couple of drinks until it's his round. As he reaches for his pocket, he realises that in fact he doesn't have any, so he turns to Evil Lyn and asks her to lend him a twenty.

"No" she says, "You know full well I'm saving for that typing course, and if I lend you this money I'll never see it again"
"But you're supposed to be my henchperson! You have to lend me it!" Skeletor replies.

The others around the table mutter agreement but Evil Lyn remains adamant that she won't part with the cash. So with a sigh He-Man stands up and bursts into a song and dance routine worthy of Broadway. He's graceful. He has an amazing voice and he prances like a Prima Ballerina. Perhaps understandably the others are stunned, including Evil Lyn who immediately hands over the readies to Skeletor. Everyone orders beer except for He-Man who asks for a Cosmoplitan.

Shaking his head, Skeletor goes to the bar. On his return Skeletor asks He-Man "How did you get Evil Lyn to lend me that money?"

"Simple" He-Man replies "I used the power of GaySkull."

told you it wasn't clever...